Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or beliefs. Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when a person holds two contradictory beliefs at the same time.

The challenge with cognitive dissonance is that it always leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness, unease and uncertainty.  It is a joy and peace robber.

Often times we experience this state when the picture we had in our minds of how our lives was supposed to be and our current reality does not align.  We had this dream or ideal of being happily married with two children (a boy and a girl), having a fulfilling career, being respected in the community or maybe we hoped that we would have a life full of adventure only being held back because of our need to earn a living.

When the picture in our mind of what our lives was supposed to be is not aligned with our current reality it leaves us with a sense of discomfort and disappointment.  We can be in this state of disillusionment for many years.  The negative thoughts and emotions translates into our way of being and not only affects our relationships with everybody around us but also in our decision making and on how we view the world.

So what do we do when we experience this state of consciousness?  We really need to first of all acknowledge that we are in a state of frustration.  We then have to put on different lenses, become curious and start looking for the positive and good aspects of our lives.  Once we view our lives through gratitude lenses you will be surprised at how the colour and definition of our perspective changes.

Sometimes our current reality might actually be better than the original picture we had, we just need to redefine our parameters for success and happiness.

I know a lot of people who were disappointed either by someone else or themselves and are now bitter and vengeful people.  I also know a lot of people who went through a lot of trauma and hurt and decided to make lemonade of the lemons life handed to them.  Often times the people with the most challenges in life, actually live their lives with joy and hope.  They have overcome so much that they decided to focus on all the good stuff.

I find these kind of people to be an inspiration and a tonic.  It is worth surrounding yourself with people who are able to enjoy the little things in live and be grateful for everything they have.

I know that I would definitely like to be one of them.

Reframing our current reality and looking for the gifts in the learnings and the joy in the struggles is how we build our own resilience.

Being kind to ourselves and others is always a good first step.  Acknowledging that we are all fellow travellers on a difficult but rewarding journey.  Giving each other a hand when things are tough actually builds our own muscles of self-discipline and courage.

Yes, life is not always easy.  We might not have the perfect partner or children or job but when you start looking at the positives you realize they were exactly the partner, children and job you needed to grow your character and become who you were meant to be.  Maybe being perfect was never the idea.  Maybe perfect would have been our biggest enemy in achieving our real dream of becoming who we could be.

Cognitive Dissonance is surely not an ideal state of being, however sometimes we need to feel frustration and discomfort for our minds to mature.  Sometimes we need to feel so uncomfortable that we are willing to become someone else.  Maybe that is the point of the whole exercise, accepting our current reality and making the most of it.

Veronica Kietzmann-Cronje